Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Sharron Leigh -- Hyper educated socially-Aware Feminist Punked-Out Sex Goddess of Verse
Shannon Leigh 9.15.87 -- 6.30.08
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Getting Hit On
[After Mom and I came back from Tom’s Drive In]
Me: “Guess what dad?! I just got hit on by a guy I used to go to middle school with!”
Dad: “I don’t know if I want to hear this and you probably shouldn’t be this excited…”
Me: “No, you’re missing the point! I got hit on by a guy that I knew for a fact wasn’t in his 30s, or 40s, or 50s, or 60s! That makes it not creepy!”
[Dad blushes]
Me: “Oh, Dad; I’m sure you don’t flirt or hit on people less than a third your age.”
Dad: “Okay. Yes.”
[Mom walks past]
Mom: “You better not be hitting on anyone.”
Me: “Guess what dad?! I just got hit on by a guy I used to go to middle school with!”
Dad: “I don’t know if I want to hear this and you probably shouldn’t be this excited…”
Me: “No, you’re missing the point! I got hit on by a guy that I knew for a fact wasn’t in his 30s, or 40s, or 50s, or 60s! That makes it not creepy!”
[Dad blushes]
Me: “Oh, Dad; I’m sure you don’t flirt or hit on people less than a third your age.”
Dad: “Okay. Yes.”
[Mom walks past]
Mom: “You better not be hitting on anyone.”
Friday, April 30, 2010
Changing Things Up
I’ve realized that things said on this blog are taken out of context a lot; which to a lot of degree sucks.
I thought about it for a while, for I truly don’t want to quite this blog and came up with an idea:
I’m going to post quotes, conversations, and actions that have happened in my life or someone else’s lives, and occasionally make some up for shits and giggles. Not to special right?
*wrong*!
Everything single post in this series is aimed to be taken out of context and not necessarily make sense.
I was inspired by an Ani Difranco lyric from the song Fire Door:
“So why do I feel like something that’s been rearranged?
You know, taken out of context I must seem so strange…"
So go ahead, do it… I’m giving you things out of context to sound strange and more screwed up then I really am. Go on, judge me; I’m giving you the opportunity!
I thought about it for a while, for I truly don’t want to quite this blog and came up with an idea:
I’m going to post quotes, conversations, and actions that have happened in my life or someone else’s lives, and occasionally make some up for shits and giggles. Not to special right?
*wrong*!
Everything single post in this series is aimed to be taken out of context and not necessarily make sense.
I was inspired by an Ani Difranco lyric from the song Fire Door:
“So why do I feel like something that’s been rearranged?
You know, taken out of context I must seem so strange…"
So go ahead, do it… I’m giving you things out of context to sound strange and more screwed up then I really am. Go on, judge me; I’m giving you the opportunity!
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Found A Letter Just Now
Currently, I'm really stressed out and heartbroken. I'm supposed to study for a test tomorrow but my mind keeps going back to this stressor. So I opened up one of my large multi-purpose notebooks from my bag and a letter from a loved one fell out.
It was a beautiful letter... I feel like crying now.
It was a beautiful letter... I feel like crying now.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
I succeeded, after years, to write a love poem and I read it to him when he needed it most
The Reprieve or The Gist
You were the reprieve
That I didn't’t know I’d need
I was strumming along the way that I do
My head stuck up my ass
Too determined about my studies
And my ever-self improvement
And then there was you.
You had the balls to frankly say you liked me
And you adamantly said there was something to be
I, of course, was too wrapped up in my new goals
To pause, sit down, and marinate my feelings over you.
Less than a month later it punched me in the face
So hard in fact that it pushed me flat on the ground
And with a gut feeling, that you, only you, my dear
Was the right man to catch me.
You were the reprieve
That I didn’t know I’d need
I was strumming along the way that I do
My head stuck up my ass
Too determined about my studies
And my ever-self improvement
And then there was you.
I then search for you, longed for you, and craved you
I posted a fucking ad on Craig’s list in my hunt to find you
I asked everyone I could think of, repeatedly, if they knew of some way to contact you
You were in my head at full volume sitting there in pause
Onto which the volume button pleaded
“Just go ahead and allow yourself to love me!”
All I had left to do was swear and glare at that button,
As if attempting to dare it, to go ahead, and press its damn self.
You were the reprieve
That I didn’t know I’d need
I was strumming along the way that I do
My head stuck up my ass
Too determined about my studies
And my ever-self improvement
And then I saw you…
You were at the library, disheveled yet sexy like how you do.
I managed to control myself enough not to run up and jump on you with a hug
Exclaiming “it was meant to be that you’d pop up!”
I played it cool and there were many hugs and many cheek kisses
I told you how much I missed you, worried about you, and thought about you all this time.
It was a brief two minutes and then you had to go, and
You promised to call me before I’d have the chance to call you.
I woke up the next morning to text messages on my phone,
That were sent outrageously early in the morning
And thought to myself ‘damn this man sure has some quality’
From texting all day long I wondered to myself
‘Is this some sort of dream? Like a fucked up fairy tale
Happening to two ordinary simple beings?’
Could this actually be? Were you that reprieve?
That night I invited myself to the planetarium show,
Freshly showed, feeling sexy, and all spruced up.
Driving there I kept daring myself to seize this opportunity
And in the dark of the theatre I made the first move.
On the inside I was freaking out, thinking you wouldn’t feel the same anymore
That I’d be sued or kicked out of NAMI for some sort of sexual harassment lawsuit.
I, having absolutely no experience in making The Move
Very slowly inched my hand to yours and you reciprocated,
And damn did our interlocking fingers feel good.
That night we drove to a deserted park
And again, having no experience whatsoever in Making the Move
That I used some cheesy pick up line about it being St Patty’s day
Saying that since you weren’t wearing green I’d have to kiss you –
Well that certainly failed for you pointed out that you were, in fact, wearing green.
But our faces were close enough or you simply figured out my lame attempt to hit on someone,
That we had our first kiss…and we kissed… and we kissed… and we kissed.
And there wasn’t any kind of kisses with the sense of ‘damn, you so fine, I’d tap it right here, right now’--
It was soft, simple, delicate, and pure… we weren’t even sucking face
We took breaks to hug and hold each other, to whisper back and forth,
To kiss each other’s faces and necks, and even sweeping our faces across the others
Basking in the caress that we had longed for.
It felt so good, and it felt so right, I wanted it to go on all night.
It was like I could crawl into your skin and be completely taken in.
And yeah, it would have been interesting had it gone on all night.
I knew you were that reprieve, that something I really need
I knew all that self help stuff, would mean be diddly shit, if I didn’t have someone to love.
Then you were the hesitant one, and I used every articulate honest word I could
To prove to you that I care you for unconditionally, come whatever that may lay
That I’m a good, strong-minded, honest woman that wouldn’t judge you in any way.
The next day you left, not intentionally, but you did
I do my best to keep my solemn promise and my word
To care for you unconditionally and not judge in anyway.
I get frustrated sometimes, sure, but the gist will always be the same.
The gist is that I long for you, that you feel like another half of me right now
That gist that I will never judge you, you’re so ever beautiful just the way you are
The gist that you’re exactly what I need, and the challenge to really honestly succeed
That gist that I love you, and will love you, in some sort of degree, forever.
Benny Boy, you’re my ever encompassing reprieve,
You’ve given me a sense of hope that I had no idea that I’d need
I’m here, standing for you and up for you, until you kick me out…
I wanna yell out to the world – that I may be new but I’m significant and
I’m not going anywhere, anytime soon!
~~~~~
Will you be my seeing-eye dog for I am blind?
Because you take me there, every time
With that winning combination of loyal and kind
You eyes show like wells of the water of your mind
I want to take a long, cool drink from that bucket
To every thought I could have now... I say fuck it
I just want to go with how I feel
Like my only job here,
Is to care for,
And covet you,
My dear….
You were the reprieve
That I didn't’t know I’d need
I was strumming along the way that I do
My head stuck up my ass
Too determined about my studies
And my ever-self improvement
And then there was you.
You had the balls to frankly say you liked me
And you adamantly said there was something to be
I, of course, was too wrapped up in my new goals
To pause, sit down, and marinate my feelings over you.
Less than a month later it punched me in the face
So hard in fact that it pushed me flat on the ground
And with a gut feeling, that you, only you, my dear
Was the right man to catch me.
You were the reprieve
That I didn’t know I’d need
I was strumming along the way that I do
My head stuck up my ass
Too determined about my studies
And my ever-self improvement
And then there was you.
I then search for you, longed for you, and craved you
I posted a fucking ad on Craig’s list in my hunt to find you
I asked everyone I could think of, repeatedly, if they knew of some way to contact you
You were in my head at full volume sitting there in pause
Onto which the volume button pleaded
“Just go ahead and allow yourself to love me!”
All I had left to do was swear and glare at that button,
As if attempting to dare it, to go ahead, and press its damn self.
You were the reprieve
That I didn’t know I’d need
I was strumming along the way that I do
My head stuck up my ass
Too determined about my studies
And my ever-self improvement
And then I saw you…
You were at the library, disheveled yet sexy like how you do.
I managed to control myself enough not to run up and jump on you with a hug
Exclaiming “it was meant to be that you’d pop up!”
I played it cool and there were many hugs and many cheek kisses
I told you how much I missed you, worried about you, and thought about you all this time.
It was a brief two minutes and then you had to go, and
You promised to call me before I’d have the chance to call you.
I woke up the next morning to text messages on my phone,
That were sent outrageously early in the morning
And thought to myself ‘damn this man sure has some quality’
From texting all day long I wondered to myself
‘Is this some sort of dream? Like a fucked up fairy tale
Happening to two ordinary simple beings?’
Could this actually be? Were you that reprieve?
That night I invited myself to the planetarium show,
Freshly showed, feeling sexy, and all spruced up.
Driving there I kept daring myself to seize this opportunity
And in the dark of the theatre I made the first move.
On the inside I was freaking out, thinking you wouldn’t feel the same anymore
That I’d be sued or kicked out of NAMI for some sort of sexual harassment lawsuit.
I, having absolutely no experience in making The Move
Very slowly inched my hand to yours and you reciprocated,
And damn did our interlocking fingers feel good.
That night we drove to a deserted park
And again, having no experience whatsoever in Making the Move
That I used some cheesy pick up line about it being St Patty’s day
Saying that since you weren’t wearing green I’d have to kiss you –
Well that certainly failed for you pointed out that you were, in fact, wearing green.
But our faces were close enough or you simply figured out my lame attempt to hit on someone,
That we had our first kiss…and we kissed… and we kissed… and we kissed.
And there wasn’t any kind of kisses with the sense of ‘damn, you so fine, I’d tap it right here, right now’--
It was soft, simple, delicate, and pure… we weren’t even sucking face
We took breaks to hug and hold each other, to whisper back and forth,
To kiss each other’s faces and necks, and even sweeping our faces across the others
Basking in the caress that we had longed for.
It felt so good, and it felt so right, I wanted it to go on all night.
It was like I could crawl into your skin and be completely taken in.
And yeah, it would have been interesting had it gone on all night.
I knew you were that reprieve, that something I really need
I knew all that self help stuff, would mean be diddly shit, if I didn’t have someone to love.
Then you were the hesitant one, and I used every articulate honest word I could
To prove to you that I care you for unconditionally, come whatever that may lay
That I’m a good, strong-minded, honest woman that wouldn’t judge you in any way.
The next day you left, not intentionally, but you did
I do my best to keep my solemn promise and my word
To care for you unconditionally and not judge in anyway.
I get frustrated sometimes, sure, but the gist will always be the same.
The gist is that I long for you, that you feel like another half of me right now
That gist that I will never judge you, you’re so ever beautiful just the way you are
The gist that you’re exactly what I need, and the challenge to really honestly succeed
That gist that I love you, and will love you, in some sort of degree, forever.
Benny Boy, you’re my ever encompassing reprieve,
You’ve given me a sense of hope that I had no idea that I’d need
I’m here, standing for you and up for you, until you kick me out…
I wanna yell out to the world – that I may be new but I’m significant and
I’m not going anywhere, anytime soon!
~~~~~
Will you be my seeing-eye dog for I am blind?
Because you take me there, every time
With that winning combination of loyal and kind
You eyes show like wells of the water of your mind
I want to take a long, cool drink from that bucket
To every thought I could have now... I say fuck it
I just want to go with how I feel
Like my only job here,
Is to care for,
And covet you,
My dear….
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Update
My depression’s hit so bad this time I haven’t even kept up to date with my blogging:
I got my first letter from Ben and it was the most romantic thing every. I have never gotten a lot letter before… he even wrote me a song.
He called again and I confided in him how hard it is for me because my parents are so negative about the fact that my sig. other is in carcerated and that’s depressing and stressing me out. He was kind, but there’s really not much he could have said.
He needs around $30-$35 into his canteen so he can buy some personal hygiene items. I don’t see to have the balls to tell him that I simply don’t have that money right now. It’s already getting hard to pay for the collect calls to be able to hear his voice on a regular basis.
Monday, March 29, 2010
He’s So Sweet to Me
I got another call from my boyfriend a few days ago. What amazes me is how strong he still is. I think a lot of twenty-four year old terminally ill guys that find themselves in the System would be discouraged ornery.
Nope, not my man. He’s confused to all his misdeeds and fully willing to take on the consequences. He’s totally accepted that he’s in jail and probably go to prison, and even that there’s a good possibility that he’ll die in the System. He’s willing to comply and do his best, come what may.
What he said to me after I confessed that I had a Mixed Episode was “Oh my God, what happened Baby? Are you okay?”… I was stunned. It’s like, ‘Hun. Your the one whose in jail and dying. Are you okay? What’s your pain-level cancer-wise? What can I do to help you? Is there anything you want to to send?’
He was automatically worried about me. How sweet is that? I’ve only been dating this man for a little while now… but I find him so inspiring, sweet, and thoughtful. I mean, even though he’s in the System, he’s overcame so much and has one of the best outlooks on life that I’ve ever met.
It’s almost astounding.Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I got the Visiting Time wrong... It's in the PM instead of AM
Which means instead of waking up outrageously early and seeing my man the first thing in the morning, I have to be at school in a class.
It also means that unless the class is randomly canceled, the next time I can see him is April 22! That's four weeks from tomorrow! A whole month! Urgg...
I almost started crying after his phone call tonight because he just wanted me to tell him about my day and that he's 'ready to pull his hair out'. Also since I won't be able to visit him for a month, it means more collect phone calls, that well, I don't really have the money for.
I wish that there was more I could do than send him mail, buy him books from Barns'n'Noble, and see him for 45 minutes when possible. The only plus side of him eventually heading to prison is that I will at least be able to send him 'care packages', with pretty stationary and stamps.
Right now, if I would deposit money into his account, not 50% like it says on the website - but 100%, he would not have the use of the money. Apparently he's too 'in debt' with the prison due to his cancer treatment that the prison feels they can take all his funds. So I can't even deposit money so he can buy snacks and junk food! If I were in a situation like that I would really look forward to buying a different kind of chips or candy bars each day, I would delight in that.
Right now I pray, and try to find money to pay for lots of stamps, collect phone calls, and to buy him a book once or twice a month.
BTW: Even notice that the vast majority of the Bargain Books at Barns'n'Noble are hardcover and therefore cannot be sent to the Jail? Also, that most calendars, puzzle books and journals all have a spiral binding and therefore cannot be sent to the Jail.
It also means that unless the class is randomly canceled, the next time I can see him is April 22! That's four weeks from tomorrow! A whole month! Urgg...
I almost started crying after his phone call tonight because he just wanted me to tell him about my day and that he's 'ready to pull his hair out'. Also since I won't be able to visit him for a month, it means more collect phone calls, that well, I don't really have the money for.
I wish that there was more I could do than send him mail, buy him books from Barns'n'Noble, and see him for 45 minutes when possible. The only plus side of him eventually heading to prison is that I will at least be able to send him 'care packages', with pretty stationary and stamps.
Right now, if I would deposit money into his account, not 50% like it says on the website - but 100%, he would not have the use of the money. Apparently he's too 'in debt' with the prison due to his cancer treatment that the prison feels they can take all his funds. So I can't even deposit money so he can buy snacks and junk food! If I were in a situation like that I would really look forward to buying a different kind of chips or candy bars each day, I would delight in that.
Right now I pray, and try to find money to pay for lots of stamps, collect phone calls, and to buy him a book once or twice a month.
BTW: Even notice that the vast majority of the Bargain Books at Barns'n'Noble are hardcover and therefore cannot be sent to the Jail? Also, that most calendars, puzzle books and journals all have a spiral binding and therefore cannot be sent to the Jail.
I know I shouldn't be, but I'm embarrassed
I know I shouldn't be but I'm so embarrassed about telling people that my boyfriend in in jail and will be going to prison, let alone the fact that he's terminally ill and will likely die there.
I wish I had more people to talk to and confide in, in person. I'm really struggling with this; it's stressing me, affecting my sleep, one homework assignment that was due today, and frankly, this whole situation and the concept that he's going to prison (and going to die before he turns 26!), is wearing me down slowly.
I'm starting to be more comfortable telling people that I found out that my boyfriend's cancer is now terminal; my parents, friends I see on a regular basis, and one professor knows. But nobody, including my parents, knows that he's going to prison and will die there; except one person.
I shouldn't be embarrassed telling people my significant other is in the System, it's more common now and there's more awareness that inmates can change and completely turn their life around. I just am. I feel like I will be judged; like someone would think less of me for being with a man that's in jail.
I should just state that my boyfriend is terminally ill with cancer, in jail/prison, and will most likely die there. I could even act confident and even proud of myself that I'm sticking by him.
I think it will take time to make that adjustment.
On the plus side, my mom (I still live with the parents) now knows that my b/f's in jail. She saw me turning on my computer and that his address at the jail is on my desktop. I frankly said that I didn't want to go into details right now; and strangely enough... she didn't freak out at all! She started blabbering on about how I should ask him if he knows her old boss that last time she checked works there.... I secretly wanted to curse her out at being so trivial about it; I ended up saying that I'm not going to waste any precious time with him discussing my mom's old acquaintances.
But she now knows, which means my dad now knows, and they won't freak out or start demanding questions if I should receive a letter from the county jail.
I wish I had more people to talk to and confide in, in person. I'm really struggling with this; it's stressing me, affecting my sleep, one homework assignment that was due today, and frankly, this whole situation and the concept that he's going to prison (and going to die before he turns 26!), is wearing me down slowly.
I'm starting to be more comfortable telling people that I found out that my boyfriend's cancer is now terminal; my parents, friends I see on a regular basis, and one professor knows. But nobody, including my parents, knows that he's going to prison and will die there; except one person.
I shouldn't be embarrassed telling people my significant other is in the System, it's more common now and there's more awareness that inmates can change and completely turn their life around. I just am. I feel like I will be judged; like someone would think less of me for being with a man that's in jail.
I should just state that my boyfriend is terminally ill with cancer, in jail/prison, and will most likely die there. I could even act confident and even proud of myself that I'm sticking by him.
I think it will take time to make that adjustment.
On the plus side, my mom (I still live with the parents) now knows that my b/f's in jail. She saw me turning on my computer and that his address at the jail is on my desktop. I frankly said that I didn't want to go into details right now; and strangely enough... she didn't freak out at all! She started blabbering on about how I should ask him if he knows her old boss that last time she checked works there.... I secretly wanted to curse her out at being so trivial about it; I ended up saying that I'm not going to waste any precious time with him discussing my mom's old acquaintances.
But she now knows, which means my dad now knows, and they won't freak out or start demanding questions if I should receive a letter from the county jail.
Tuesday, March 23, 2010
I got the first call from my man and I feel devastated
I got my first call from my boyfriend since he's been in and I just really want to break down in tears.
He thinks he'll be going back to prison for somewhere between 18-30mo.
I feel so sad and overwhelmed. Since he has terminal cancer and will probably die within the next year... he'll most likely die in prison.
That's such an awful, awful thought.
Plus I have to tell my parents, who don't even know that my boyfriend's in jail yet, that my boyfriend is going to prison for a couple years. That's so scary.... I'm not sure if I'm strong enough for all of this, but I can't really abandon him
He thinks he'll be going back to prison for somewhere between 18-30mo.
I feel so sad and overwhelmed. Since he has terminal cancer and will probably die within the next year... he'll most likely die in prison.
That's such an awful, awful thought.
Plus I have to tell my parents, who don't even know that my boyfriend's in jail yet, that my boyfriend is going to prison for a couple years. That's so scary.... I'm not sure if I'm strong enough for all of this, but I can't really abandon him
Sunday, March 21, 2010
Update
I got my first call from my boyfriend today; and there was good news and bad news:
He will continue his treatments starting next week and they are giving him medication to help with the withdrawls this week;
Unfortunaly he's going to be moved to prison and will likely stay for the next 1.5-2.5 years.
So he'll probably die in jail. That whole concept to me is devestating.
He will continue his treatments starting next week and they are giving him medication to help with the withdrawls this week;
Unfortunaly he's going to be moved to prison and will likely stay for the next 1.5-2.5 years.
So he'll probably die in jail. That whole concept to me is devestating.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Please Pray
Please pray for my new boyfriend, Ben. He has a certain form of cancer and is not responding at all to treatment...It's estimated that he'll live about another year.
Also, sadly when he showed up for his regular appointment with his PO officer, he was sent to the country jail...neither him, his NAMI support team, or I know why.
I'm really scared about this situation, he found out that he's not responding to treatment and then the next morning he's put in jail.
He's a really good man that in the past has made some terrible mistakes, gotten involved with the bad people and was in a very traumatic/abusive relationship.
Please, join me in prayer.
Also, sadly when he showed up for his regular appointment with his PO officer, he was sent to the country jail...neither him, his NAMI support team, or I know why.
I'm really scared about this situation, he found out that he's not responding to treatment and then the next morning he's put in jail.
He's a really good man that in the past has made some terrible mistakes, gotten involved with the bad people and was in a very traumatic/abusive relationship.
Please, join me in prayer.
Friday, March 19, 2010
Monday, March 15, 2010
50 Random Things About Me
1. The first name I go by is AnnaClaire. That’s right; it’s one word with a capital ‘C’.
2. My legal first name is Claire. When I was a toddler and before I can remember, I decided that my name was now Anna. My parents had no idea where I had come up with the name ‘Anna’ because I knew no people by the name or any characters by that name. They thought it was cute and called me by my nickname, Anna, for a few years. When I was about to start kindergarten, my parents decided that it would be a good idea for me to go by Claire in school and keep my nickname for only at home. However I was a stubborn young child and absolutely refused to go to the kindergarten room if I had to be called Claire. Six years go by and I was about to transfer to a new school for sixth grade; again the parents decided this was the perfect opportunity to start going my Claire at school and my nickname only at home. The thing was, was that I honestly don’t remember a time when I went by or was referred to by Claire save doctor appointments. I couldn’t imagine going by Claire or answering to that name. I had no concept that Claire was my ‘real’ name. I just couldn’t do it. So we made a compromise that I would go by AnnaClaire and I’ve gone by that name for over 8 years now. I will probably legally change my first name whenever I have the time, finances, and ambition to go through the court process.
3. My last name is the name of one of the original characters in Loony Tunes.
4. I’m currently 19 years old and will turn 20 on May 8th. When people usually ask me how old I am, I usually reply that I’m ‘almost 20’ because I hate the fact that I’m still considered a teenager.
5. I’m very much a left-handed person and proud of it. I often use it as a characteristic to describe the way I think and process things and ideas. The numerous theories about the differences of people who are right-handed and left-handed all seem to describe me to a ‘T’.
6. I’m trained as a Jazz Trombonist musically; and at one time, when I was actively still playing on a regular basis, considered to be a quite talented Trombonist in all genres.
7. I grew up doing community theatre, a lot of which were musical comedies. I was in my first play in kindergarten at age 5 in the production of “Cotton-Patch Gospel” at a local college. Since then I’ve been in approximately two dozen performances, not including dance recitals, until my last play “Jesus Christ Superstar” in sixth grade when I was about aged 11.
8. When I was in kindergarten I appeared and was paid to be in a national commercial for “WG&R Furniture Store”. Although I have a videotape of the commercial, I have never once seen it on television.
9. I started writing simple poetry casually in third grade and write simple poetry on a regular basis in fourth grade. Since the middle of fifth grade, the vast majority of the time I have been actively writing in some sort of blog.
10. In fourth grade I was misdiagnosed as having and was treated medically for major depression. The day before highschool, I was officially diagnosed as having Manic Depression/Bipolar Disorder and about six months and one hospitalization later, was properly medicated for it. In my second year of college, when I was 18, I was diagnosed with Unspecified Inflammatory Arthritis and it wasn’t controlled for about 3 or 4 months and I was incapacitated by my Arthritis. Now I’m properly treated and medicated for both my Bipolar Disorder and my Arthritis. I’m proud that even though I have two chronic illnesses, neither one of them control my daily life.
11. ~I own a ’98 maroon Ford Taurus XL. My parent’s ‘bought’ it for me the summer I turned 18; I’ve completely paid them back at the beginning of 2010.
12. I own both a laptop and a desktop computer. My laptop has become like an extra appendage to me and now I’m a firm believer that more places should have working free Wi-Fi.
13. I took formal dance classes for thirteen years; twelve years of Jazz, 5 years of Hip Hop, one year of Lyrical/Modern, one summer of Ballet, and a week of traditional West-African dance at a dance camp.
4. My current favorite poets are Poetri, Taylor Mali, and George Watsky.
15. My favorite movies, in general include, Kissing Jessica Stein, Pulp Fiction, Some Like It Hot, Wanted, Ringu (the original Japanese version of The Ring), and The Incredibles.
16. For the past ten years or so, my favorite song has been “God’s Country” by Ani Difranco (it’s about getting a speeding ticket), but currently my favorites are any duets of Louis Armstrong and Billie Holiday.
17. My favorite non-caffeinated soda is probably Diet Mug Root Beer. I do also love Diet Non-Caffeinated Pepsi, simply because it tastes like caffeine but isn’t.
18. My favorite caffeinated soda is either Vault Zero or Diet Wild-Cherry Pepsi.
19. My all-time favorite hero is probably Ani Difranco (celebrity), or Jeremy Kriedeman or Ruth Schmeckpeper, which are both former teachers of mine.
20. Strangely I have some crushes (not looks wise) on some dead guys: Jean Piaget, Mark Twain, and Albert Einstein. I commonly refer to them as my ‘Post-Mortem Crushes’.
21. Sexual Orientation wise, I consider myself ‘Straight but Not Narrow’. I’m mostly more attracted to men than women, but I am a firm believer that you fall in love with a person and not their private parts.
22. I was an avid volunteer at my local library and in 2005; I was awarded Teen Volunteer of the Year.
23. My current major is Early Childhood Education and I’m officially going to be double-majoring in Alcohol and Other Drug Associate come summer.
24. Ideally, when I grow up I would like to be a social worker that helps children get out of unsafe situations or mentor new families.
25. I’m taking fifteen credits this semester but have worked it out so that I’m only taking two classes (5 credits) the whole semester, two six-week classes (2 credits), and three half semester classes (8 credits); so it never seems like I’m taking that many credits at any given time.
26. I’ve gotten really into looking up quotes lately and learning from them. I believe that quotes are a good representation of a certain sub-culture at a certain period of time, and that what was said was said for a reason.
27. I’m constantly making to-do lists; I find it a stress coping method and something to do with my hands while listening to lectures (I never have to take notes because I have Arthritis in my hands).
28. As a preteen I realized that the religion that I was brought up in (UUs), just wasn’t for me. Since then I’ve gone to different churches at different period since then including a UUC church, a Conservative Non-Denominational church, a Spiritualist church and am currently considering maybe going to a Synagogue in the future.
29. As intelligent and articulate that I am, I still swear on a regular basis. It’s sort of my Archeries’ Heel.
30. Lately I’ve been really into motion typography. It’s a hard thing to explain but I have an example here and here from past entries.
31. As a whole, I spend way too much money on coffee and pizza. That’s actually where the vast majority of my money goes to.
32. I believe in multiple soul mates, since I believe people change so much as they move through their life stages. A best friend could be your soul mate as a child, a boyfriend in highschool could be your soul mate, the person you marriage, well, they should be your soul mate. At any given time, you’re at a different stage in your life, so the person that compliments you as a whole can change throughout life.
33. My first job was at Parent Connection, which is a sub-company of Family Services doing childcare.
34. On the first day of that job, I stood up wrong, heard a big pop, and went to the hospital in an ambulance. Consequentially I had badly dislocated my kneecap.
35. My family currently has a cat, Annie, that we adopted from a previous home because she was terrified their toddlers.
36. I find it a bit creepy to call an animal a version of your own name, so I call her either Kittie or Baby Girl, which she is starting to answer by.
37. I was born, raised, and currently reside in the same town, and same house for that matter, all my life.
38. I grew up in a home of three children with married parents.
39. My parents met at a bar, that was in a town where neither one of them lived, got engaged within six weeks of the time they met, and were married within a year.
40. Amazingly, they are still married. It will be thirty-one years this June.
41. As a teenager and young adult my dad had terrible acne. So bad in fact that he wasn’t drafted in the Vietnam War because he was considered ‘prone to infection’. On one hand it’s great, because he wouldn’t be the man he is today and on the other hand he sometimes feels guilty that he wasn’t able to support his country at a time when he was needed the most and feels a great regret about that.
42. I’m the baby of the family; I have a sister that’s twenty-two and a brother that’s twenty-five.
43. My brother is gay and is actually a Wedding Planner for a living…. To which I find really amusing if I think about it.
44. My sister is studying at a Top Ten University to be a Chemist.
45. My brother had his Wisdom Teeth pulled this month.
46. My maternal grandmother is currently on her fourth husband and has never gone a year between men in all her adult life.
47. My maternal grandfather, her first husband, is a felon. He was almost on America’s Most Wanted, but my mother absolutely refused. He was in prison for the vast majority of my life and I didn’t meet him until I was about fourteen.
48. My paternal grandmother, with whom I was very close to growing up, now has advanced Dementia and lives in an Assisted Living Center. I find it really sad and struggle with this reality a lot and cry about it occasionally.
49. My paternal grandfather and his brother (my great uncle) were semi-famous Forester Professors and almost had a dorm named after them.
50. Even though my dad come from a family of three and my mom comes from a two, I have exactly two cousins. One of which is in her late twenties and I didn’t meet until I was a teenager and the other is an infant, both of whom I’ve only met once.
2. My legal first name is Claire. When I was a toddler and before I can remember, I decided that my name was now Anna. My parents had no idea where I had come up with the name ‘Anna’ because I knew no people by the name or any characters by that name. They thought it was cute and called me by my nickname, Anna, for a few years. When I was about to start kindergarten, my parents decided that it would be a good idea for me to go by Claire in school and keep my nickname for only at home. However I was a stubborn young child and absolutely refused to go to the kindergarten room if I had to be called Claire. Six years go by and I was about to transfer to a new school for sixth grade; again the parents decided this was the perfect opportunity to start going my Claire at school and my nickname only at home. The thing was, was that I honestly don’t remember a time when I went by or was referred to by Claire save doctor appointments. I couldn’t imagine going by Claire or answering to that name. I had no concept that Claire was my ‘real’ name. I just couldn’t do it. So we made a compromise that I would go by AnnaClaire and I’ve gone by that name for over 8 years now. I will probably legally change my first name whenever I have the time, finances, and ambition to go through the court process.
3. My last name is the name of one of the original characters in Loony Tunes.
4. I’m currently 19 years old and will turn 20 on May 8th. When people usually ask me how old I am, I usually reply that I’m ‘almost 20’ because I hate the fact that I’m still considered a teenager.
5. I’m very much a left-handed person and proud of it. I often use it as a characteristic to describe the way I think and process things and ideas. The numerous theories about the differences of people who are right-handed and left-handed all seem to describe me to a ‘T’.
6. I’m trained as a Jazz Trombonist musically; and at one time, when I was actively still playing on a regular basis, considered to be a quite talented Trombonist in all genres.
7. I grew up doing community theatre, a lot of which were musical comedies. I was in my first play in kindergarten at age 5 in the production of “Cotton-Patch Gospel” at a local college. Since then I’ve been in approximately two dozen performances, not including dance recitals, until my last play “Jesus Christ Superstar” in sixth grade when I was about aged 11.
8. When I was in kindergarten I appeared and was paid to be in a national commercial for “WG&R Furniture Store”. Although I have a videotape of the commercial, I have never once seen it on television.
9. I started writing simple poetry casually in third grade and write simple poetry on a regular basis in fourth grade. Since the middle of fifth grade, the vast majority of the time I have been actively writing in some sort of blog.
10. In fourth grade I was misdiagnosed as having and was treated medically for major depression. The day before highschool, I was officially diagnosed as having Manic Depression/Bipolar Disorder and about six months and one hospitalization later, was properly medicated for it. In my second year of college, when I was 18, I was diagnosed with Unspecified Inflammatory Arthritis and it wasn’t controlled for about 3 or 4 months and I was incapacitated by my Arthritis. Now I’m properly treated and medicated for both my Bipolar Disorder and my Arthritis. I’m proud that even though I have two chronic illnesses, neither one of them control my daily life.
11. ~I own a ’98 maroon Ford Taurus XL. My parent’s ‘bought’ it for me the summer I turned 18; I’ve completely paid them back at the beginning of 2010.
12. I own both a laptop and a desktop computer. My laptop has become like an extra appendage to me and now I’m a firm believer that more places should have working free Wi-Fi.
13. I took formal dance classes for thirteen years; twelve years of Jazz, 5 years of Hip Hop, one year of Lyrical/Modern, one summer of Ballet, and a week of traditional West-African dance at a dance camp.
4. My current favorite poets are Poetri, Taylor Mali, and George Watsky.
15. My favorite movies, in general include, Kissing Jessica Stein, Pulp Fiction, Some Like It Hot, Wanted, Ringu (the original Japanese version of The Ring), and The Incredibles.
16. For the past ten years or so, my favorite song has been “God’s Country” by Ani Difranco (it’s about getting a speeding ticket), but currently my favorites are any duets of Louis Armstrong and Billie Holiday.
17. My favorite non-caffeinated soda is probably Diet Mug Root Beer. I do also love Diet Non-Caffeinated Pepsi, simply because it tastes like caffeine but isn’t.
18. My favorite caffeinated soda is either Vault Zero or Diet Wild-Cherry Pepsi.
19. My all-time favorite hero is probably Ani Difranco (celebrity), or Jeremy Kriedeman or Ruth Schmeckpeper, which are both former teachers of mine.
20. Strangely I have some crushes (not looks wise) on some dead guys: Jean Piaget, Mark Twain, and Albert Einstein. I commonly refer to them as my ‘Post-Mortem Crushes’.
21. Sexual Orientation wise, I consider myself ‘Straight but Not Narrow’. I’m mostly more attracted to men than women, but I am a firm believer that you fall in love with a person and not their private parts.
22. I was an avid volunteer at my local library and in 2005; I was awarded Teen Volunteer of the Year.
23. My current major is Early Childhood Education and I’m officially going to be double-majoring in Alcohol and Other Drug Associate come summer.
24. Ideally, when I grow up I would like to be a social worker that helps children get out of unsafe situations or mentor new families.
25. I’m taking fifteen credits this semester but have worked it out so that I’m only taking two classes (5 credits) the whole semester, two six-week classes (2 credits), and three half semester classes (8 credits); so it never seems like I’m taking that many credits at any given time.
26. I’ve gotten really into looking up quotes lately and learning from them. I believe that quotes are a good representation of a certain sub-culture at a certain period of time, and that what was said was said for a reason.
27. I’m constantly making to-do lists; I find it a stress coping method and something to do with my hands while listening to lectures (I never have to take notes because I have Arthritis in my hands).
28. As a preteen I realized that the religion that I was brought up in (UUs), just wasn’t for me. Since then I’ve gone to different churches at different period since then including a UUC church, a Conservative Non-Denominational church, a Spiritualist church and am currently considering maybe going to a Synagogue in the future.
29. As intelligent and articulate that I am, I still swear on a regular basis. It’s sort of my Archeries’ Heel.
30. Lately I’ve been really into motion typography. It’s a hard thing to explain but I have an example here and here from past entries.
31. As a whole, I spend way too much money on coffee and pizza. That’s actually where the vast majority of my money goes to.
32. I believe in multiple soul mates, since I believe people change so much as they move through their life stages. A best friend could be your soul mate as a child, a boyfriend in highschool could be your soul mate, the person you marriage, well, they should be your soul mate. At any given time, you’re at a different stage in your life, so the person that compliments you as a whole can change throughout life.
33. My first job was at Parent Connection, which is a sub-company of Family Services doing childcare.
34. On the first day of that job, I stood up wrong, heard a big pop, and went to the hospital in an ambulance. Consequentially I had badly dislocated my kneecap.
35. My family currently has a cat, Annie, that we adopted from a previous home because she was terrified their toddlers.
36. I find it a bit creepy to call an animal a version of your own name, so I call her either Kittie or Baby Girl, which she is starting to answer by.
37. I was born, raised, and currently reside in the same town, and same house for that matter, all my life.
38. I grew up in a home of three children with married parents.
39. My parents met at a bar, that was in a town where neither one of them lived, got engaged within six weeks of the time they met, and were married within a year.
40. Amazingly, they are still married. It will be thirty-one years this June.
41. As a teenager and young adult my dad had terrible acne. So bad in fact that he wasn’t drafted in the Vietnam War because he was considered ‘prone to infection’. On one hand it’s great, because he wouldn’t be the man he is today and on the other hand he sometimes feels guilty that he wasn’t able to support his country at a time when he was needed the most and feels a great regret about that.
42. I’m the baby of the family; I have a sister that’s twenty-two and a brother that’s twenty-five.
43. My brother is gay and is actually a Wedding Planner for a living…. To which I find really amusing if I think about it.
44. My sister is studying at a Top Ten University to be a Chemist.
45. My brother had his Wisdom Teeth pulled this month.
46. My maternal grandmother is currently on her fourth husband and has never gone a year between men in all her adult life.
47. My maternal grandfather, her first husband, is a felon. He was almost on America’s Most Wanted, but my mother absolutely refused. He was in prison for the vast majority of my life and I didn’t meet him until I was about fourteen.
48. My paternal grandmother, with whom I was very close to growing up, now has advanced Dementia and lives in an Assisted Living Center. I find it really sad and struggle with this reality a lot and cry about it occasionally.
49. My paternal grandfather and his brother (my great uncle) were semi-famous Forester Professors and almost had a dorm named after them.
50. Even though my dad come from a family of three and my mom comes from a two, I have exactly two cousins. One of which is in her late twenties and I didn’t meet until I was a teenager and the other is an infant, both of whom I’ve only met once.
Sunday, March 14, 2010
Intro to Mind and Body by Angus Gellatly
Intro to Mind & Brain by Angus GellatlyMy rating: 5 of 5 stars
Great book, a real turn-pager.
I loved how it went through the history of how cultures thought about the brain in the past, the history of theorists on the brain and some of the strange beliefs about the brain (standing on an electrified fish for treatment),lots of information about how the LH and RH work, and details about some really cool disorders that I have never heard of like split brains, Wernicke's vs. Broca's Aphasia, Balint's Syndrome.
The great thing about this book is that throughout the information, there were comics,drawn pictures, and lots of maps to easily understand where the part of the brain they are talking discussing.
Very cool. Read it in about 3.5 hours.
View all my reviews >>
Wednesday, March 10, 2010
List of 30 things I’ve accomplished
1. I’ve convinced people to call and refer to me by a name I choose.
2. I’ve completed at total of 13 years of dance training.
3. I don’t let my two chronic illnesses affect my daily life.
4. I’ve mapped out my educational goals.
5. I own a used car that I bought with my own money.
6. I own both a laptop and a desktop computer.
7. I once taught a left-handed 4 year-old how to eat using utensils properly.
8. I’ve developed my own theory about education and learning.
9. I write and blog avidly and consistently.
10. I’m certified in Infant/Child CPR, the Heimlich maneuver, First Aide, and Shaken Baby Syndrome.
11. I’ve overcame almost complete muteness and a speech pediment with the help of speech therapy.
12. I was homeschooled all through my teenage years.
13. I mentor a family in need with Project Team under CAP Services.
14. I was awarded Teen Volunteer of the Year at the Appleton Public Library for my work in the Children’s Department.
15. I passed and got my driver’s license on my first try.
16. I know how to put gas into my car, check and add more oil, and change a tire.
17. My first job was with Family Services.
18. I’ve lost almost 20lbs since the beginning of the year.
19. I’m trained as a Jazz Trombonist and was in Lawrence University’s Honor’s Band in my second year of playing.
20. I have made the decision that the religion that I grew up with doesn’t fit into my ideals and goals and have since explored 4 different religions.
21. I can balance a checkbook, successfully manage my finances, and have adapted some of my previous life styles knowing that I don’t have as much money as I used to.
22. I was in a national commercial in kindergarten.
23. I’ve learned about my paternal ancestry and their traditions.
24. By the end of 2nd grade I could easily read at close to middle school level.
25. I practice mindfulness in my everyday life.
26. I stated taking college courses at age 15.
27. I’ve acknowledged the negative effects of my upbringing and try regularly to counteract those effects.
28. I have a good self-awareness and know how to grieve properly.
29. I have come to the realization that if you laugh at yourself and generally take mistakes less seriously, that you can learn and experience more in life.
30. I’ve read the entire New Testament back-to-back in order.
Why I view Education Like I do
In highschool I was a homeschooler following the ‘unschooler’ philosophy. The unschooler philosophy means that I was encouraged to learn as much as I can about every single thing/idea that interests me.
This instilled my belief that education should be pleasurable and that every educational thing/assignment you do, you should do it with more than your %100 effort. If I’m going to make a point of learning or studying something; I want to suck every ounce of knowledge I can possibly get out of it. I have a strong belief that doing something half-assed or learning something by only route memory is frankly a waste of time, energy, and space in the part of the mind that controls memory (the Frontal Lobe).
My educational philosophy is summed up quite well by the Mark Twain “Don’t let schooling interfere with you’re education”; and it’s kind of my personal motto in general.
Therefore, I learn and study for the sole purpose of obtaining knowledge. Receiving good grades, although they a cool affirmation of how hard you worked, aren’t by any sense the object of education. To me, the object of education is the inner self assurance that you know more about something that you did in the past.
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
Too Much Coffee
You know when you drink too much coffee when the staff at Jo-to-Go’s recognize when you get a haircut.
2/3 of The Child Called It Trilogy
So far, from this past weekend I’ve read both the Child Called It and The Lost Boy, both from Dave Palzer. Both were quick reads
The Child Called It was everything I expected to be; it was well written (from the perspective of a 5-12 as the book progresses) and the details of what another human being can do to another (especially from a mother to child) were both vivid and disturbing.
The Lost Boy was more uplifting. It chronicled Dave’s teenage years going through different foster homes and even a Juvenile Hall. Throughout the whole book it was inspiring how driven this teenage boy was. He was so focused, especially the second half of the book, of making his life make a difference. He was very self aware of where he’d come from – even though he didn’t fully comprehend it – and where he needs to go.
Looking forward to your next one, Dave. Should have you consumed within the next forty-eight hours or so.Tuesday, February 23, 2010
Monday, February 22, 2010
I learned because I wanted to, not to get the points
Last week I was late for class because I had an upset stomach and was using the bathroom when the class started. As soon as I sat down, the teacher handed out a pop quiz.
Even though I had actually studied for the know ‘pop’ quiz – there’s one every week it seems – my stomach was so distracting and blucky that I completely coped out of it.
As soon as I got the test, I wrote big in letters:
I ABSOLUTELY FEEL LIKE SHIT. I HAVE A VERY UPSET STOMACH. JUST GIVE ME A ZERO FOR THIS QUIZ.
I then handed it do the teacher, about a minute after he handed it out and told him to read it.
He said, “Oookay.” In a very manner a fact way.
And that was that.
In retrospect at first I felt a bit guilty about the bluntness of it; but then I thought about the whole thing in prospective.
I was late; therefore I automatically didn’t receive the ‘participation’ points for showing up to class.
I didn’t take the pop quiz’ which was the only other points we could have received that day.
So really, even though I received no points for being in class that day and was even marked absent; I still made a point to ask questions and learn from the lecture.
I wish everyday and everyone was like that. Go to class because you generally want to learn, and get decide and portray everything you want to get out of that class period and do it. Not show up because of the mandatory ‘participation’ point teachers must hand out. Go because you want to get something out of it.
So last Thursday that’s what I did. I had absolutely no credit for showing up and yet I still learned a lot; how fucking cool is that?
Saturday, February 13, 2010
I talked with him tonight...
I had the lovely pleasure of talking to Duncan for the first time in years. This is from my favorite scene of his favorite movie.
Friday, February 12, 2010
She's got herself hitched!
My best friend from fifth grade got married today; how fucking weird is that?
Man, I feel so old.
Man, I feel so old.
Thursday, February 11, 2010
Class Today Was Long, Then Embarrassing
During a long, well only three hour but it seems much longer, class, the teacher gave us an additional break to go ‘walk around and wake up’ because no student was really participating other than taking notes quietly. I guess sometimes not actively learning passes off in extra caffeine splurges and potty breaks…
I also embarrassed myself completely but was able to at least save myself in part.
My teacher asked the definition of “Procedural” Law. I quickly found it in the text book and read, right out of the book, “body of rules that determines the proceeding by which legal rights are enforced”. which by the textbook’s first sentence under Procedural Law was correct. He wanted me to give an example. I had none because that one sentence I read was the only thing I knew about Procedural Law.
Turns out I’m terrible at being quick by my feet or whipping examples out of my head and started blabbing about how I once went on a date with a Cop and he explained to me that it’s not worth their time to pull someone over if they aren’t going over ten miles about the speed limit.
As soon as I stated “Well I once went on a date with a Cop…” the teacher exaggeratedly started freaking out and hiding behind the screen sprouting laughter from the other students while I continued my example, only louder.
After folks had calmed down and I was probably red in the face, the teacher stated that whenever he heart anything that has to do with a ‘date’ and procedural law, the limerick “There once was a man from Nantucket…” came to mind and therefore hid. We both know that nothing ever comes out good when someone says any like the “Nantucket” joke.
I then, while laughing along I said I will never use that prelude again in this class.
Oh well. I guess this will reaffirm that my classmates will now know my name.
I also embarrassed myself completely but was able to at least save myself in part.
My teacher asked the definition of “Procedural” Law. I quickly found it in the text book and read, right out of the book, “body of rules that determines the proceeding by which legal rights are enforced”. which by the textbook’s first sentence under Procedural Law was correct. He wanted me to give an example. I had none because that one sentence I read was the only thing I knew about Procedural Law.
Turns out I’m terrible at being quick by my feet or whipping examples out of my head and started blabbing about how I once went on a date with a Cop and he explained to me that it’s not worth their time to pull someone over if they aren’t going over ten miles about the speed limit.
As soon as I stated “Well I once went on a date with a Cop…” the teacher exaggeratedly started freaking out and hiding behind the screen sprouting laughter from the other students while I continued my example, only louder.
After folks had calmed down and I was probably red in the face, the teacher stated that whenever he heart anything that has to do with a ‘date’ and procedural law, the limerick “There once was a man from Nantucket…” came to mind and therefore hid. We both know that nothing ever comes out good when someone says any like the “Nantucket” joke.
I then, while laughing along I said I will never use that prelude again in this class.
Oh well. I guess this will reaffirm that my classmates will now know my name.
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
Surprises
Oh the joys and sorrows of FASA and College tuition. Mostly they are sorrows – like how I found out the on the Thursday before the Monday when I was supposed to receive the refund, the school sent me a letter saying that I owed them $250 dollars before I would receive my FAFA refund.
But then are they occasional joys, and I must admit the joys are very much occasional, when you unexpectedly receive a refund.
Here’s how it went down. I logged into my Credit Union account as I do a couple times a week because I’m terrible at managing my checking account; and low and behold! My Checking had over $500 dollars more than I thought there’d be! I clinked into the account and saw that my School’s PDDCheck sent me a $530 refund.
Wow. I am feeling so very blessed! Plus my night class got canceled because of the snow (even though there are only 4-6’’ out there which really isn’t much for WI), so I got to take a much needed nap this afternoon instead of doing homework, and then I’m suddenly over half a thousand dollars richer! Sweet.
Conviction
Typography from Ronnie Bruce on Vimeo.
Taylor Mali inspires me. He was a teacher for years before he was a Spoken Word Poet professionally. I’m sure I’ll put up more in his stuff in posts to come.
Monday, February 8, 2010
Red Letter Definition
memorable; especially important or happy – Dictionary.com
I’m in college, these are supposed to be the most memorable years of my life
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