Found A Letter Just Now

Currently, I'm really stressed out and heartbroken. I'm supposed to study for a test tomorrow but my mind keeps going back to this stressor. So I opened up one of my large multi-purpose notebooks from my bag and a letter from a loved one fell out.

It was a beautiful letter... I feel like crying now.

Update

My depression’s hit so bad this time I haven’t even kept up to date with my blogging:

I got my first letter from Ben and it was the most romantic thing every.  I have never gotten a lot letter before… he even wrote me a song.

He called again and I confided in him how hard it is for me because my parents are so negative about the fact that my sig. other is in carcerated and that’s depressing and stressing me out.  He was kind, but there’s really not much he could have said.

He needs around $30-$35 into his canteen so he can buy some personal hygiene items.  I don’t see to have the balls to tell him that I simply don’t have that money right now.  It’s already getting hard to pay for the collect calls to be able to hear his voice on a regular basis.

He’s So Sweet to Me

I got another call from my boyfriend a few days ago.  What amazes me is how strong he still is.  I think a lot of twenty-four year old terminally ill guys that find themselves in the System would be discouraged ornery.

Nope, not my man.  He’s confused to all his misdeeds and fully willing to take on the consequences.  He’s totally accepted that he’s in jail and probably go to prison, and even that there’s a good possibility that he’ll die in the System.  He’s willing to comply and do his best, come what may.

What he said to me after I confessed that I had a Mixed Episode was “Oh my God, what happened Baby? Are you okay?”… I was stunned.  It’s like, ‘Hun.  Your the one whose in jail and dying.  Are you okay?  What’s your pain-level cancer-wise?  What can I do to help you?  Is there anything you want to to send?’

He was automatically worried about me.  How sweet is that?  I’ve only been dating this man for a little while now… but I find him so inspiring, sweet, and thoughtful.  I mean, even though he’s in the System, he’s overcame so much and has one of the best outlooks on life that I’ve ever met.

It’s almost astounding.

Update

I got my first call from my boyfriend today; and there was good news and bad news:
He will continue his treatments starting next week and they are giving him medication to help with the withdrawls this week;
Unfortunaly he's going to be moved to prison and will likely stay for the next 1.5-2.5 years.

So he'll probably die in jail. That whole concept to me is devestating.

Please Pray

Please pray for my new boyfriend, Ben. He has a certain form of cancer and is not responding at all to treatment...It's estimated that he'll live about another year.

Also, sadly when he showed up for his regular appointment with his PO officer, he was sent to the country jail...neither him, his NAMI support team, or I know why.

I'm really scared about this situation, he found out that he's not responding to treatment and then the next morning he's put in jail.

He's a really good man that in the past has made some terrible mistakes, gotten involved with the bad people and was in a very traumatic/abusive relationship.

Please, join me in prayer.