Currently, I'm really stressed out and heartbroken. I'm supposed to study for a test tomorrow but my mind keeps going back to this stressor. So I opened up one of my large multi-purpose notebooks from my bag and a letter from a loved one fell out.
It was a beautiful letter... I feel like crying now.
Showing posts with label struggling. Show all posts
Showing posts with label struggling. Show all posts
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
I know I shouldn't be, but I'm embarrassed
I know I shouldn't be but I'm so embarrassed about telling people that my boyfriend in in jail and will be going to prison, let alone the fact that he's terminally ill and will likely die there.
I wish I had more people to talk to and confide in, in person. I'm really struggling with this; it's stressing me, affecting my sleep, one homework assignment that was due today, and frankly, this whole situation and the concept that he's going to prison (and going to die before he turns 26!), is wearing me down slowly.
I'm starting to be more comfortable telling people that I found out that my boyfriend's cancer is now terminal; my parents, friends I see on a regular basis, and one professor knows. But nobody, including my parents, knows that he's going to prison and will die there; except one person.
I shouldn't be embarrassed telling people my significant other is in the System, it's more common now and there's more awareness that inmates can change and completely turn their life around. I just am. I feel like I will be judged; like someone would think less of me for being with a man that's in jail.
I should just state that my boyfriend is terminally ill with cancer, in jail/prison, and will most likely die there. I could even act confident and even proud of myself that I'm sticking by him.
I think it will take time to make that adjustment.
On the plus side, my mom (I still live with the parents) now knows that my b/f's in jail. She saw me turning on my computer and that his address at the jail is on my desktop. I frankly said that I didn't want to go into details right now; and strangely enough... she didn't freak out at all! She started blabbering on about how I should ask him if he knows her old boss that last time she checked works there.... I secretly wanted to curse her out at being so trivial about it; I ended up saying that I'm not going to waste any precious time with him discussing my mom's old acquaintances.
But she now knows, which means my dad now knows, and they won't freak out or start demanding questions if I should receive a letter from the county jail.
I wish I had more people to talk to and confide in, in person. I'm really struggling with this; it's stressing me, affecting my sleep, one homework assignment that was due today, and frankly, this whole situation and the concept that he's going to prison (and going to die before he turns 26!), is wearing me down slowly.
I'm starting to be more comfortable telling people that I found out that my boyfriend's cancer is now terminal; my parents, friends I see on a regular basis, and one professor knows. But nobody, including my parents, knows that he's going to prison and will die there; except one person.
I shouldn't be embarrassed telling people my significant other is in the System, it's more common now and there's more awareness that inmates can change and completely turn their life around. I just am. I feel like I will be judged; like someone would think less of me for being with a man that's in jail.
I should just state that my boyfriend is terminally ill with cancer, in jail/prison, and will most likely die there. I could even act confident and even proud of myself that I'm sticking by him.
I think it will take time to make that adjustment.
On the plus side, my mom (I still live with the parents) now knows that my b/f's in jail. She saw me turning on my computer and that his address at the jail is on my desktop. I frankly said that I didn't want to go into details right now; and strangely enough... she didn't freak out at all! She started blabbering on about how I should ask him if he knows her old boss that last time she checked works there.... I secretly wanted to curse her out at being so trivial about it; I ended up saying that I'm not going to waste any precious time with him discussing my mom's old acquaintances.
But she now knows, which means my dad now knows, and they won't freak out or start demanding questions if I should receive a letter from the county jail.
Saturday, March 20, 2010
Please Pray
Please pray for my new boyfriend, Ben. He has a certain form of cancer and is not responding at all to treatment...It's estimated that he'll live about another year.
Also, sadly when he showed up for his regular appointment with his PO officer, he was sent to the country jail...neither him, his NAMI support team, or I know why.
I'm really scared about this situation, he found out that he's not responding to treatment and then the next morning he's put in jail.
He's a really good man that in the past has made some terrible mistakes, gotten involved with the bad people and was in a very traumatic/abusive relationship.
Please, join me in prayer.
Also, sadly when he showed up for his regular appointment with his PO officer, he was sent to the country jail...neither him, his NAMI support team, or I know why.
I'm really scared about this situation, he found out that he's not responding to treatment and then the next morning he's put in jail.
He's a really good man that in the past has made some terrible mistakes, gotten involved with the bad people and was in a very traumatic/abusive relationship.
Please, join me in prayer.
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